Either she was the most beautiful or most hideous woman I had ever laid my eyes on. My mind wavered back and forth, struggling to make sense of the paradox. The only certainty was she pulled my interest whereas I was not even a blip on her radar.
Perhaps her ignorance of my presence was the catalyst for the attractive/repulsive quality she was giving off in doses. Her eyes passed over mine, confining me to the background. Conversely, her presence demanded she must be seen by all.
A handful of chance encounters would pass before I would ever be lucky, or perhaps unfortunate, enough to see her smile. It fell into place in the most forced way possible. Maybe I was overly confident, (wouldn’t that have been a change of pace back then) but I could have sworn when I first saw her smile, it was when she first noticed me back. Her smile read: “I’m sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone else.” Maybe I had. Double messages of “She is the one!” and “She is the last person you would want to be with,” were flooding my personal inbox. Not to mention the spammed “Just kill yourself” messages that often came in the form of attachments.
She had a defined jawline. A rather masculine and rigid jaw that contradicted any preconception of what was to regarded as feminine. It turned me off in the worst of ways. Yet, her eyes were jaw-dropping, no pun intended. I had never seen any like them. They were almost… inviting? Yet, somewhere in that facial juxtaposition laid the bearer of all my contradictory feelings. Feelings that eviscerated my chest and tearing holes into me.
Soon, none of this would matter. She would mean nothing to me and me nothing to her. Though, back then it meant something. Something real that feels absent these days. But then again, how would one know? Only two possibilities existed as far as I could tell.